Tonight finds me sitting at my desk dead exhausted from a Winter Carnival. A cup of peppermint tea and honey within reach. You are probably wondering why, if I am dead exhausted, I am sitting here typing instead of sleeping. Motivation has struck and I'm going with it; though I do wish that it would stop striking right before I go to bed.
Over this past week it has come to my realization that I am singing again. Why is this so significant? Well, I'm going to save the details of that question for a different post, but suffice it to say that for the past month I haven't been able to find the desire to sing. However, tonight something more significant happened. I was able to, and enjoyed, singing with others. To me music is one of the greatest ways to reach someone on a "soul" level. Nothing speaks to me quite like music. However, I am a fairly private person, and while I usually enjoy belting out tunes in the privacy of my own car or home, It's hard for me to muster up the courage to sing in front of others (especially people I know). For me to be able to sing, carefree, in front of my friends indicates that I have finally come to trust them with a part of me.
My life is at a cusp, a turning point. All my life I've had decent friends, but friends I never seem to fully trust in. In times of need I try and deal with things on my own, instead of looking for support in others. Seeing the love and support I've received from my friends in my most recent emotional down-slide has led me to understand that I have two choices at hand. I can either continue along the familiar path, never getting too close, staying inside my comfort zone. Or...I can do something totally outside of my character; I can trust in these people and give of myself, give my love and support, in return instead of just receiving. I've chosen the later.
Moving into a new phase of life isn't easy. I have to remember Philippians 4:13 ("I can do all things"...look it up if you're interested), because goodness knows I'm stubborn in my ways. What motivates me is that I see these people, my friends, as a gift. To not give them as much as they give me is an insult, not only to the Gifter, but to them most of all. These people deserve great friends, and I want try to be the best I can. I realize I'm human, and will screw up accordingly on occasion, but I'll never grow unless I try.
I fully expect my efforts at reaching out to be awkward at times. For example: I'm not a very demonstrative person, but I like giving hugs to people I care about; one of my efforts is that I am going to try and give out more hugs (which may seem awkward at first). I don't know what else is in store for me, but I figure it's a good starting point. It's nice to have a master plan, but when does "Plan A" ever work; I think it's easier to wing it, so long as I don't slip back into old patterns when things get rough.
I will leave tonight (or should I say morning by now) with thoughts on the song which features as this post's title. "Shower the People" is one of my favorite songs by James Taylor. I found the second verse very fitting for my post this evening. I've posted the second verse and part of the chorus below, but I'd encourage you to read the lyrics for the whole song, as I find it says everything I want to say about my new life direction. Have a good one, whenever it is that you are reading.
This is widely known
And what you plan to do with your foolish pride
When you're all by yourself alone
Once you tell somebody the way that you feel
You can feel it beginning to ease
I think it's true what they say about the squeaky wheel
Always getting the grease.
Better to shower the people you love with love
(Yes and) show them the way that you feel
