I've been meaning to write up this post, but some events in my life have occurred lately that have spawned the necessary motivation. About a month ago I Stumbled upon a bookmark. It said: "I am reading this book because I don't want to think about my life. I believe it is what is known as escapism. This got me thinking about how much of my life is spent doing things that "take me away" from it. Over the recent break I spent the majority of my time reading, playing Xbox, or surfing the web. The books I enjoy reading are fantasy or sci-fi, where the world is often far more exciting than my reality. I have to ask myself: "How much of my time do I spend focusing on things unrelated to my own existence?" The answer is unclear and rather complicated.
I love books and always have, they are my window into a world that cannot exist for me. I, like most people, enjoy immersing myself in the adventures of others through books, movies, tv, etc. These exciting accounts can be fictional or true as long as they are more than my own life. What do I mean by "more?" I mean more adventurous, more painful, more happy, more romantic, more "whatever" than my life is now.
Why do people spend so much time and money on reading/watching about someone else's life (fiction or no)? Why are we driven to entertain ourselves in such a fashion? There are plenty of activities that involve only your own life. Athletics, work, and socializing with friends would be a good example of engaging with your own life. I know that a good portion of my life is spent at school either working or chatting with friends. However I also spend a lot of time surfing the internet, and nothing feels better at the end of a long day than curling up with a good book on my LoveSac.
Life is hard, and nobody is perfect. I think these are the main reasons why we turn to our books and tv at the end of the day. This is our chance to experience second-hand what it would be like to be someone else. Reading about someone who travels across time and space gives you the chance to do the same, if only for a few hours, but without the risk. Watching a person on tv with a lousy job and a monster of a boss makes light of your own dissatisfaction with your career. Does this need to escape mean my own life is that terrible or dissatisfying? No, not in my case, but I think some people do take it to the extreme.
Drug abuse has always been around in America, and unfortunately I've had first hand experience in seeing what it can do to a person and as a result a family. Drugs are a more extreme form of escapism, and an unhealthy form at that. Only the addict can tell you why they take such extreme measures to escape the trouble of their own lives. My 17 year old brother is a cocaine addict. I don't know why he turned to drugs, but he's been using marijuana since he was 11 years old. He claims that he started using cocaine because my parents forbade him from smoking pot after they found out. I feel for my parents, they have no idea why he turned to drugs and therefore can't help him deal with it. He's said he does it to cope. What exactly he has to "cope" with I have no idea. All I know is that he has a powerful need to escape from something, and that he's chosen one of the worst ways of dealing with it. His form of escapism in turn causes a desire to escape the situation in his family as well.
The worst form of escapism is also the most permanent. Just yesterday the brother of one of my friends committed suicide. He was only 14 years old. He has successfully escaped from all his worldly troubles at a terrible cost. He has shattered the hearts and minds of his family and friends. They may never know for sure what drove him to take his own life, but I'm sure they are left with an ardent desire to escape the pain right now.
I'm afraid this post has turned out darker than I originally intended. Sadly darkness, as well as light, is a part of life. Escapism is something that will always be a part of my life. It's what helps keep me sane when things get rough. However, it's important to remember to engage in the real world, the one I have to live in. Because as much there are days where I'd like to be Sam Carter or Elizabeth Bennet, it's not going to happen. I'm Andie and my life is what I make it, so I'd better take an active part in it.
Breakfast
15 years ago
2 comments:
Andie,
I empathize with you. When I was in school the first time, books provided a way to engage in social situations (which were uncomfortable in RL) without any risks. They also challenged my imagination and broadened my horizons. When I started life away from school, I only read scholarly stuff because I was on a mission to find a major and a career. By that stage, I was regularly exercising in irregular ways (snowboard, running, swimming, cross-country skiing, the list goes on). I was living one of the books I read. Now that I've found my calling, I continue to live a poorly written book that's pretty exciting as far as I'm concerned. Escapism, by itself, isn't bad. It's a stage on the path to success for you. You'd better live a future worthy of publishing.
I don't know what path your brother is taking. The trouble with kids is that they don't communicate well enough that you can just ask. Well wishes like "I'll be praying for him," or "you've gotta have faith" don't really go with my whole ethos, but that's kind of what I want to say: things will work out in the end, and I will be thinking hopefully about it. If there's anything I can do (fat chance, I know), let me know.
I think there are a lot of things people are doing right now to find out what drives people to addictions, and what causes them to commit suicide. But the answers are definitely incomplete, and don't always solve the problem. As far as your brother goes, all I can say is that things will start to get better whenever he realizes that there is something very good possible in his life which is beyond the world he's made for himself. Teenagers can be masters at rationalizing their behavior. I should know; I spent several years struggling with (at best) half-true explanations for why I did things. There are biological reasons that this happens, which take a lot of the control out of the hands of parents, and some out of the control of the kids themselves. (Please feel free to pretend I'm older when I say this sort of thing.) As you probably know, he didn't start doing cocaine directly because your parents were against pot (at least not unless he's very principled and vindictive about his life decisions). The grain of truth that might let him believe this sort of thing is that at some point back then his communication with your parents was broken down, and he felt (probably quite "righteously") justified in disregarding what they wanted him to do.
Sorry if my "shrink mode" is grating. It's just that there are aspects of this that sound familiar. A part of it is the lack of social responsibility we put on kids in our society (middle/high school is not a social responsibility or a high calling). Part of it is just how people are. That said, I do have faith that people can change, especially when they are young and stupid. So my best wishes for your brother.
On the subject of suicide, I can throw out there that gays have twice the suicide rate of non-gays (conservatively, there are much higher numbers that are contested back and forth because lots of people have an axe to grind). Risk of suicide and gayness might share root biological causes (since we don't completely know the mechanisms behind either we can't rule it out), but I think it's pretty likely that if you look at the sorts of things that cause gays in particular to commit suicide (shame, social ostracization or the fear thereof, family rejection or the fear thereof), you'd get an idea. Less speculatively, there are a lot of risk factors that could be found on Google. What to do about these things is harder to know.
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